Right now I’m in this weird static period of illness that not a lot of healthy people understand.
I’m still sick and struggle with symptoms on a daily basis but I’ve been this way long enough that it’s starting to feel like my normal and I’ve stopped talking about how unwell I feel because it’s nothing new. I’m just here, living my life the best I can, and dealing with what I’ve been given. I don’t know if I can say that I’m overcoming this and I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover. I have no idea what the future holds, which is scary.
Coming to terms with this has been challenging. It’s a lot easier to believe that you’re “recovering.” It’s a lot easier to hope that you’ll return to your old life soon than to try to build a new one around your limitations. After a year and a half of trying all sorts of things, I’ve come to a place where I’m accepting to the fact that in the foreseeable future, I may not ever reach my old 100%. This isn’t to say I’ve given up hope, as I’m still trying to explore available avenues that might help me feel better. I’ve just shifted my focus towards making the adaptations I need to move on with life in my current state.
I don’t feel like I’m fighting or on the way to winning a battle. I’m just living with the challenges. I can’t fight this beast that is M.E. so all I can do is respect the fact that my body is weak and come to peace with having to listen to it, while still trying to create a life for myself.
